A satirical revue premiering at the COMEDY WAREHOUSE, Pleasure Island, Walt Disney World, Orlando, Florida, on or about May 1, 1989
by "Anonymous by request . . ."
Editor's Note: "R.I.P. Pleasure Island, we hardly knew ye," and all that "it's September 28th, and I'm outta a job!" jazz. Closing along with everything esle: The Comedy Warehouse, the home of improv on P.I.(well, except for The Advenuture's Club and any one of the P.I. gin mills where a desperate out-of-towner can be found attempting to get lucky with some other desperate out-of-towner: "'Jack Mack and the Heart Attack?' Man, I was into them before they got all commercial, too! Small world, hunh? So, uh, you staying on property?"). But before there was no script in The House, there was . . .
Yes, what follows really is the script that was really written at the behest of Michael "Don't Let the Mouse Hit ya In The Ass On Yer Way Outta Here!" Eisner and was really produced and — Yipes! — performed, in public, for what passed for paying guests, in a Disney O & O venue. Damn, I miss the '80's.
PREFACE
Michael Eisner gave Walt Disney Imagineering this assignment: "Create a show for the Comedy Warehouse. It should be funny, light, satirical; the first Disney review that pokes fun at the Disney Guest Experience. Be bold! Use this as your measure: create a show that, if someone else did it, we'd sue 'em."
This is the script of that show.
THE SHOW
The audience is seated. Since this is a "COMEDY WAREHOUSE," strange-looking warehouse employees hurry about, getting ready for the show.
JACK WAGNER'S VOICE IS HEARD. The employees scatter. SHOW TIME!
JACK WAGNER (V. O.)
We take you now to a Fantasyland of Laughter and Song, Walt Disney's Magic Kingdom, the Happiest Place on Earth!
A TOURIST COUPLE enters, dressed in the worst kind of "out-of-your-suitcase" taste — goofy hats, Hawaiian shirts, etc.
The wife is awe-struck, looking around. As they stare, the HUSBAND litters the stage with the wrapper of a candy bar. A dedicated Disney SWEEPER enters, starts catching the garbage before it hits the ground.
WIFE
Oh, darling, look at this, LOOK AT THIS! It's even more wonderful than I thought it would be! It's so clean, well-organized, that person that greeted us was so happy, and who said it was expensive? It was cheap, just three dollars to get in, oh, this is great!
MAN
Honey, calm down, this is just the parking lot! The park is over there!
WIFE
There's a park too? Oh better yet!
They exit. The SWEEPER summons the other two SUPER DISNEY WORLD EMPLOYEES on stage.
(to the tune of "SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPEALIDOCIOUS" from Mary Poppins)
DISNEY WORLD EMPLOYEES (Singing)
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay!
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay!
Super conscientious friendly Disney World employees!
Squeaky clean and smiling happy helpful girls and boy-ees!
Working here at Disney World we're just like wind-up toy-ees!
Super conscientious friendly Disney World employees!Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay!
Um diddle diddle diddle um, diddle ay!
The FIRST SWEEPER takes a chorus.
SWEEPER
On Main Street I was sweeping when a mighty hurricane
Uprooted trees and shattered every single window pane.
It scattered 50 tons of dirt with its destructive power!
To clean it up, it took me almost all of half an hour!I'm a . . . .
Super conscientious friendly Disney World employee!
When I see garbage in the street, I'm such a happy boy-ee!
And when the horses make a mess, I scoop it up with joy-ee!
A Super conscientious friendly Disney World employee!Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay!
Um diddle diddle diddle um, diddle ay!
The SECOND SWEEPER has an "EPCOT SPHERE" hat.
SPACESHIP HOSTESS
I work up at that silver golf ball they call Spaceship Earth.
One day a lady in the line there started to give birth.
The baby came and everyone around her was relieved:
They'd been in line there waiting since the kid was first conceived!I'm a . . .
Super conscientious friendly Disney World employee!
I'm here to be your smiling slave, you might as well enjoy me!
I never sweat, I always smile, wherever they deploy me,
I'm a super conscientious friendly Disney World employee!"Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay!
Um diddle diddle diddle um, diddle ay!
The THIRD SWEEPER has a "Goofy" hat.
GOOFY
While working in a Goofy suit, in hundred-ten degrees,
A kid with cowboy boots on kicked me up above the knees!
The music stops as he does a massive take. (YEEOOOWWW!)
He tweaked my nose and poked my eyes and set my pants ablaze!
It made my day to see that little feller's happy face!'Cuz I'm a . . .
Super conscientious friendly Disney World employee!
Persecution, torture, and abuse will not annoy me!
I'm just a jolly punching bag, so come on, kids, enjoy me!
Your Super conscientious friendly Disney World employee!Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay!
Um diddle diddle diddle um, diddle ay!
The FOURTH SWEEPER looks beat up, and down-trodden after the end of a tough day.
VERSE 4 (at a slower tempo)
GOOFY
Every night when I get home, my head is in a fog.(Back to tempo)
So I grab myself a beer, and spit and cuss and kick the dog>
No more mister nice guy, I'm a tyrant in my house!
You have to prove your manhood when your boss is just a mouse!
The ENTIRE CHORUS OF SWEEPERS joins in for the finale.
CHORUS
We're Super conscientious friendly Disney World employees!
Squeaky clean and smiling happy helpful girls and boy-ees!
Working here at Disney World, we're just like wind-up toy-ees!
We're Super conscientious friendly Disney World employees!
Super conscientious friendly
Disney World employees!
The SWEEPERS bow, and exit.
Another tourist couple enters, and rush up to a guest in the front row. The husband hands her a camera.
GUY
'Scuse me, ah, we're on our honeymoon . . . would you mind taking our picture? Just press this red button, and take the picture on the count of 3.
They get back and smile mindlessly.
MAN & WOMAN
One . . . two . . .
GAL
Hold it! Would mind framing it so you can get Spaceship Earth in the background? Its our favorite.
The "Spaceship Earth" icon on the wall lights up.
They get back and smile mindlessly again.
GUY
One . . . two . . .
On the count of "TWO", the first couple, from the parking lot, step in front of the camera, ruining the picture. The couple looks crestfallen.
GUY
Gosh, that was our last picture too. Oh well . . . hey, do you know where that ride with all the birds is?
The guest is befuddled (hopefully)
GAL
The birds! What's the name of it?
GUY
"Parrots of the Caribbean."
GAL
That's it! Oh, here's a Tour Guide, maybe she knows . . .
They walk over to the smiling TOUR GUIDE. This is a typically helpful Disney employee — so helpful she's actually psychic.
HUSBAND
Excuse me, my name is . . .
TOUR GUIDE
Mr. Peterson.
HUSBAND
And this is my wife . . .
TOUR GUIDE
Charnelle.
HUSBAND
Ah, right. We're from . . .
TOUR GUIDE
Davenport, Iowa.
WIFE
I'm just curious. How are you able to . . .
TOUR GUIDE
Know what you're going to ask before you ask it?
WIFE
Right.
TOUR GUIDE
To be a TOUR GUIDE here on Main Street, you must be young, good-looking, and psychic.
HUSBAND
Psychic?
TOUR GUIDE
We have to know the answer before you ask the question. About five years.
HUSBAND
How long have you been . . . wow, that's terrific! I just have one more question . . .
TOUR GUIDE
Yes?
HUSBAND
What time is the 3 o'clock parade?
The TOUR GUIDE is nailed. She looks embarrassed.
TOUR GUIDE
I'll . . . I'll have to ask my Supervisor . . .
She runs off stage.
BLACKOUT.
Curtain Closes.
A FAMILY comes on arguing. The MAN holds a large fold-out map, which quickly covers the whole family.
MAN
Look, for the one millionth time, we're starting in the Magic Kingdom!
WOMAN
(gritted teeth) But I want to start in EPCOT.
GIRL
And I want to surf in Typhoon Lagoon!
MAN
Magic Kingdom
WOMAN
EPCOT.
GIRL
Surfing.
MAN
Kingdom.
WOMAN
EPCOT.
GIRL
Surfing.
MAN
Kingdom.
WOMAN
EPCOT.
GIRL
Surfing.
MAN
KINGDOM!
WOMAN
EPCOT!
GIRL
SURFING!!!
They're interrupted by Jack Wagner's voice.
JACK WAGNER (V. O.)
Ladies and gentlemen, the park is now closing. Thanks for spending the day here at Walt Disney World.
The sickening realization hits them.
MAN
You mean . . . we just spent the whole day arguing . . .
WOMAN
Tomorrow, we are starting at EPCOT!
She exits.
GIRL
Typhoon Lagoon!
She exits. The HUSBAND yells off-stage to them.
MAN
All year I get nothing but put-downs and arguments from you two . . . Now I'm going over to the Magic Kingdom to see my favorite ride, a place where there's nothing but peace and love!
The FATHER exits.
THE LIGHTS FADE UP ON A SCENE FROM SMALL WORLD. TWO OF THE ACTORS ARE DRESSED AS DOLLS FROM THE RIDE.
SMALL WORLD DOLLS (Singing)
It's a Small World after all!
It's a Small World after all!
It's a Small World . . . .
The MAN walks by, laughing with delight. The dolls watch him leave the stage.
DOLL #1
Okay, the coast is clear.
Both dolls transform from happy toys to cynical actors. Each whips out a cigarette, and lights up.
DOLL #1
So, you got any plans after the show?
DOLL #2
Thought I'd go over to Pirates of the Caribbean and pick up a wench.
DOLL #1
The redhead?
DOLL #2
Yeah.
DOLL #1
Forget it. I went out with her last night, she had me runnin' around in circles! Oh, here they come!
Each DOLL holds his cigarette behind his back, while using the other hand to hold hands.
The MAN comes through again. He takes an obnoxious FLASH PHOTO in the face of the dolls, then pinches their cheeks as he goes by.
DOLLS #1 & #2
There's so much that we share,
That its time we're aware,
It's a Small World after all!
MAN (to audience)
I love these cute little guys!
The MAN exits. The DOLLS stare sullenly off the stage after him.
DOLL #1
I'll give you cute!
DOLL #2
Jerk!
Unbeknownst to the DOLLS, a female guest comes in and stops in front of them.
DOLL #1
If I had a longer extension cord, I'd . . .
The notice the female guest. Back into the act.
DOLLS #1 & #2
It's a small world after all,
It's a small world after all . . .
BLACKOUT
A GIRL (THE DAUGHTER FROM THE ARGUMENT) ENTERS CARRYING A SURFBOARD.
GIRL
Run for your life! There's a shark in Typhoon Lagoon! Who would do such a thing?
A MOTORIZED SHARK FIN GLIDES ACROSS THE STAGE TOWING A BANNER WHICH READS: "WHEN IN FLORIDA, VISIT SEA WORLD".
A WOMAN, the MOTHER from the argument, enters. She enraptured by her Disney experience.
WOMAN
World Showcase was a dream come true . . . International cuisine . . . merchandise from all nations . . . young, good-looking people in exotic, polyester costumes. And now, on to FUTURE WORLD!!!
CRUSTY (V.O.)
In the Disney Future, everything will be tee-rific!
WOMAN
Who said that?
"Crusty the Crouton" leaps on stage. This is an actor dressed in a colorful jumpsuit, with a rubber "CROUTON HEAD" that parodies every corporate sponsor in Future World. He's pushing a one-woman "vehicle."
CRUSTY
Me! I'm Crusty the Crouton! I'm the cute corporate logo of EPCOT's newest pavilion . . .
The sign on the wall that reads "THE MIRACLE OF CROUTONS" flashes.
WOMAN
The miracle of . . . croutons?
CRUSTY (proudly)
Brought to you by A T F, the American Toast Foundation! Sit down. Ree-lax.
Crusty PUSHES THE WOMAN DOWN INTO THE "VEHICLE", and pulls down the "control bar."
The instant this happens, they're into their EPCOT EXPERIENCE. HUGE, INFLATABLE DINOSAURS lower from the ceiling and menace them. Portentous music rumbles through the theater, and a deep-voiced announcer scares them, a la the "Exxon World of Energy."
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
At the dawn of time, mighty inflatable dinosaurs roamed the earth, looking for croutons. However, there weren't any, so the dinosaurs went over to the Exxon Pavilion to make petroleum.
The DINOSAURS disappear as quickly as they arrived, jerked on the same string that lowered them.
40's SWING MUSIC is heard. CRUSTY points out a tiny model World War II vintage bomber that chugs over the theater on a track
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Then came World War II, and the Crouton was there!
As the bomber gets nearer the woman and Crusty, we hear the conversation supposedly taking place inside.
BOMBARDIER (V.O.)
Target in sight, sir.
PILOT (V.O.)
Roger. Open crouton bay door.
BOMBARDIER (V.O.)
Door open, sir.
PILOT (V.O.)
5-4-3-2-1 . . . Croutons Away!
A LARGE BAG OF CROUTONS are dropped by a stage hand in the rafters, and score a direct hit on the WOMAN.
WOMAN
Are we done yet?
CRUSTY shoves her back into the vehicle.
CRUSTY
No! What about tomorrow? Can we really be sure we'll have enough croutons for the future? I mean, really, really, REALLY sure?
The cheery, God-like announcer answers.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Sure!
CRUSTY
But how?
An ACTOR dressed in a lab coat, holding a test tube, does a herky-jerky, out-of-lip-sync impression of an EPCOT Audio-Animatronic® figure as his pre-recorded VOICE booms through the house.
AA FIGURE (V.O.)
You see, Crusty, we're experimenting with everything from undersea crouton farms to strip mining croutons on the surface of the moon. Why, by the year 2025, Croutons will make up more than 90% of what we eat! We'll be using crouton floor wax, crouton dental floss, even . . .
SUDDENLY, THE FIGURE GOES LIMP, AND THE SOUND GOES DEAD. In fact, the ENTIRE THEATER GOES DARK. EVERYTHING STOPS.
There is a long beat. What's happening?
Suddenly, as always happens when a Disney Ride goes down, we hear the "voice of Disney" JACK WAGNER.
JACK WAGNER (V.O.)
This ride is temporarily out of service . . . it's broke . . . it's completely kerflooey, okay?
The woman starts to get out of her ride vehicle.
JACK WAGNER (V.O.) (CONT.)
But don't get out of your ride vehicle if you know what's good for you. We're . . . working on it. Yeah, that's it, we're working on it.
A short beat, then the LIGHTS GO ON, the MUSIC "WOWS" UP, and the ride continues to its BIG FINISH. As CRUSTY maneuvers the woman, those cheerful Disney Singers deliver the final "punch" of the message.
SINGERS (TAPE, SINGING)
Make the most
Of that bite sized toast
And then you can boast
You're part of it too,
That great big, large, huge, beautiful, wonderful, interesting,
Better than average world of
Crou . . .
As the SINGERS HOLD THIS LAST BIG NOTE, CRUSTY DOES HIS BIT.
CRUSTY
So remember (name), when you're eating Croutons, you're the toast of the town!
The SINGERS, noticeably out of breath, finish.
SINGERS (TAPE, SINGING)
" . . . tons!"
Crusty gives the WOMAN a CROUTON CROWN AND SCEPTER. She happily weeps like a Miss America Winner and exits.
AS SHE EXITS, A "HUNTER" ENTERS.
HUNTER
(as Elmer Fudd) Be vewy, vewy quiet!
Suddenly, he sees something from the other side of the stage. He's terrified. It's his worst nightmare . . . it's BAMBI! AND BAMBI'S HOLDING A RIFLE!
HUNTER
No . . . Bambi! I didn't know it was your mother!
The DRUMMER HITS THREE RIM SHOTS, and the Hunter falls over backwards.
As a couple of cast members drag his body off-stage, a TYPICAL EPCOT GUEST (FEMALE) comes out. She looks like she's been through the "theme park wars."
EPCOT GUEST
How many of you people have been to EPCOT? Has anyone tried to do it all in one day? I did. Let me share my experience with you . . .
The PIANO PLAYER launches into a "dirty Chicago blues," and the singer sings this with the grit of Bessie Smith (or Janis Joplin).
EPCOT GUEST (SINGING)
My friends all said to "see it,"
But I only had one day.
I got in line at sunrise
For my EPCOT holiday.
And then the gates swung open,
And I stood there lookin' proud.
Byt when the dust had settled
I'd been trampled by the crowd . . . .I got those tired EPCOT blues,
Those tuckered out EPCOT blues.
From my mouse ears to my shoes,
I got them funky, funky EPCOT blues . . .I ran around like crazy,
Man I almost lost my mind.
The more I tried to see and do,
The more I fell behind.
The question that I'm askin',
When all is said and done,
Do people really plan all year
To do this just for fun?I got them burned-out EPCOT blues,
Them tired EPCOT blues.
Man, I need to take a snooze,
I got them . . .
Nobody-but-a-maniac-would-try-to-do-this-place-in-just-one-day
Funky funky funky EPCOT blooooooooze . . . !
She's so exhausted, she faints dead away. A SWEEPER sweeps her up, and takes her off stage. CURTAIN
A GIRL (the daughter) comes bounding on the stage in front of the curtain, jumping up and down with energy.
GIRL
Come on you guys, it's, like, Pirates of the Caribbean! What's your problemo? Let's go!
She goes running off. A few seconds pass. Finally, a pathetic, bedraggled MAN and WOMAN, her parents, drag themselves on stage. The man collapses mid-stage.
MAN
Is that the line?
WOMAN
No, dear. That's the line to get INTO the line . . .
They look at each other. It's their worst Disney nightmare.
MAN & WOMAN
AHHHHHHH!
She helps him. As she drags him off, he clutches his leg.
MAN
My leg, I can't feel my leg!
They struggle off-stage.
The curtain opens on two PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN. They chase each other in a circle, just like the pirates at the end of the ride. Off to the side of the stage is the REDHEAD posing.
PIRATES (singing)
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me!
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me!
Yo ho, yo ho . . .
They stop, and peer off-stage. Suddenly, they go from being robots to being two buddies out for a good time.
PIRATE ONE
Okay, they're gone.
PIRATE TWO
Hey, I almost caught you that time! (to the REDHEAD) So listen, you wanna go out tonight?
REDHEAD
No, I'm goin' out with these two little guys from Small World.
PIRATE ONE gets an idea. He nudges the other, and gives him a look that says, "It would be a lot more fun to sing THIS."
PIRATE ONE (singing)
Hey there, Georgy Girl,
Walkin' down the street so fancy free!
Nobody you meet would . . .
Pirate Two looks off-stage, and sees a guest boat coming.
PIRATE TWO
Uh oh, here they come.
Pirate One thinks that's a song cue, and launches into the old "Manfred Mann" hit.
PIRATE ONE (singing)
Here they come,
Just a walkin' down the street,
Singin' do wah diddy,
Diddy dum diddy . . .
PIRATE TWO
No, the People . . .
Once again, Pirate One thinks this is a song cue.
PIRATE ONE (singing)
People, people who need people . . .
A group of TOURISTS ENTER, and gawk. Both pirates see them, and immediately launch back into their robotic chase.
PIRATE ONE
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!
Yo ho, yo ho . . .
Blackout. Curtain closes.
In front of the curtain, the FAMILY we saw at the beginning of the show re-convenes. They are all laden down with tons of Disney merchandise.
The MAN turns to his wife.
MAN
Hey there, gorgeous! What's in the bag?
WOMAN
I got you a little gift. Here.
From the bag, he takes out JUMPER CABLES. A plush "Chip" is attached to one cable, while "Dale" is glued to the other.
MAN
Chip and Dale Jumper Cables! Terrific! How did you pay for 'em.
WOMAN
I charged 'em!
She guffaws at her own witticism. He hands her his bag.
MAN
Hey, I got something for you too.
She opens the bag. It's a mini-shovel with "Winnie-the-Pooh" attached.
WOMAN
What's this?
MAN
It's a "Winnie-the-Poohper Scooper."
The DAUGHTER enters.
MAN
We bought each other some gifts. Here, I got one for you too.
GIRL
What is it?
MAN
A Donald Duck car alarm! Turn it on!
She does. A LOUD SOUND EFFECT OF DONALD DUCK FREAKING OUT plays. She turns it off.
GIRL
But Dad . . . I don't have a car.
MAN
Oh.
He cheerfully grabs it back from her.
MAN
Well . . . I guess I'll have to use it on the Buick . . .
The Daughter starts crying.
WOMAN
Oh, now honey, haven't we had a wonderful stay here at Walt Disney World? I just wish there was someone we could thank for all the fun we've had.
With this, EVERY LIGHT ON EVERY WALL begins magically shining. A PORTLY MALE ACTOR DRESSED AS A FAIRY GODMOTHER appears, carrying his/her magic wand.
The father turns around, and does a take.
FAIRY GODMOTHER
You know who I am?
MAN
A professional wrestler?
FAIRY GODMOTHER (irritated)
No, I'm your Fairy Godmother! (polite again) I hope you enjoyed your stay with us!
WOMAN
Oh, we had a great time. How can we ever re-pay you?
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Well . . . how 'bout cash? Here's your bill.
The Fairy Godmother hands the family a HUGE BILL which seems to go on forever — it actually rolls down the stage into the audience. The horrified father looks it over.
MAN
Are you SURE we had this much fun?
Bells and whistles go off on the walls. A man in a suit, horn rimmed glasses and a briefcase comes down the center aisle with a bullhorn.
LAWYER (bullhorn)
All right, that's it, hold it right there, nobody move! Repeat, nobody move!
The lawyer leaps on stage and hands the Fairy Godmother his card.
LAWYER
Good evening, I'm J. Pinkerton Cheesemore, Disney Legal Division. Do you have a permit for that costume?
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Well, no, but . . .
The lawyer pulls a brief out of his briefcase
LAWYER
You are hereby cited with the unauthorized portrayal of a copywrited Disney character, vis-a-vis and to wit, the Fairy Godmother from Cinderella.
He looks up from his legal brief.
LAWYER
Let's have that costume, pal.
The Fairy Godmother grudgingly takes off the costume, and gives it to the lawyer.
LAWYER
And your little wand, too.
Everyone on stage boos the lawyer as the ex-Fairy Godmother exits.
CAST
Booooooo!
The father turns to the lawyer.
MAN
Thanks a lot, pal. We had a hard-hitting satirical finale that depended on that costume, you just ruined the whole bit.
LAWYER
Good!
MAN
Why don't you stand out here and do something why we figure out how to end the show?
The entire family exits, leaving the lawyer alone on stage.
LAWYER
Well, let's see . . . How about a nice, old-fashioned G-rated Disney song?
He cues the piano player, who plays the intro to "Chim-Chim Cheree" from Mary Poppins.
LAWYER (sings)
Chim-chimeney, chim-chimeney,
Chim chim cheree!
If you mess with Disney
You'll answer to me!
Chim chimeney, chim chimeney,
Chim chim cheroo!
You'll be in big trouble
'Cuz we love to sue!
He says this with gusto. As he sings the verse, he spits out his line with venomous glee.
LAWYER (singing)
"Don't copy a film that has our copywright
Or desecrate Mickey or heckle Snow White!
Don't trample on Goofy or knock Chip and Dale!
I'd be more than happy to send you to jail!Chim chimeney, chim chimeney,
Chim chim cheree!
I so love my job that
I'd do it for free!
Chim chimeney, chim chimeney,
Chim chim cheroo!
If you mess with us,
Oh how we'll mess with you:
We'll take back your costume,
And your little wand too!
The Fairy Godmother re-enters.
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Okay, we figured out a new ending.
LAWYER
You're not going to make fun of Disney, are you?
FAIRY GODMOTHER
No we're not. As a matter of fact, we're doing a big, splashy patriotic finale . . .LAWYER
I like it!FAIRY GODMOTHER
And we want YOU to be the star!He's taken aback.
LAWYER
Me?The Fairy Godmother nods. The lawyer is thunderstruck . . . inspired!
LAWYER
You know, I never wanted to be a lawyer. I always wanted to be a . . . Kid of the Kingdom! This is like a dream come true, it's just like the Wizard of Oz!The Fairy Godmother clears his throat.
FAIRY GODMOTHER
That's not a Disney movie.LAWYER
. . . The Black Hole! It's just like The Black Hole!The music is building. The finale's about to begin. Everyone in the cast has donned a "Kid of the Kingdom" glittery costume.
FAIRY GODMOTHER
Places everyone!PATRIOTIC FINALE
(This is the only place in the show that uses original music — a parody of every flag-waving fourth of July Disney theme park finale ever staged.)
FOREMAN (sings)
Mickey Mouse must be
Yankee Doodle's closest friend,
Because it's not surprise how
Every Disney show will end!MAN
We march out and pledge
To be brave and true!
We sing and dance and dance and sing
To the red, white and blue!PIANO PLAYER
Roll tape!As the cast members lip-sync to the loud pre-recorded "Chorus of Thousands," streamers fall from the rafters, lighting effects simulate fireworks, and the whole theater lights up.
SINGERS (V.O.)
America, its a land of opportunity
For you and me!
America, a land of bravery
And derring-do for me and you!
Where else can a self-made man
Be made (besides Japan)?
Where else can we do this
And get paid? (Besides Japan)?
America . . .
Walt Disney's America!
Ah . . . Ahmer . . . Americ. America!A HUGE FLAG falls behind them. Everyone takes a bow.
CURTAIN CALL
THE END
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