E "Eddy"Edwards
• Whalon Park, Lunenburg, MA
• Freedomland U.S.A., The Bronx, NY
• Astroworld, Houston, TX (condo-fication pending)
• Six Flags Magic Mountain, Valencia, CA (on hold . . . for now)
And many more, more than likely (but digging through the list of dead parks on Wikipedia is, like, way bumming me out).
In all unearned fairness to condo developers, it's not, really, that they set out to destroy amusement parks specifically to build layer upon layer of 30 year mortgage apartments. But, like with the still-more vulnerable landed ozoners — drive-in theatres — amusement parks tend to be great tracks of freeway-close land more valuable for stacked housing development than their current lowly (i.e. "entertainment") uses can pay.
Sic transit gloria places to go to have fun, drink over-priced fountain drinks, `n perhaps cop a feel come a Saturday night.
But . . . other than my natural end-of-summer wistfulness fueling this demi-rant, I had the occasion recently to see the other side of the parks-becoming-condos matter.
Glendale, CA: the Americana at Brand, the latest development by some operatically-inclined developer. The A at B is a themed faux-city center, a singular thing themed to appear to be a collection of "neighborhoods" (dare we say, themed lands?).
Some solid design dough was dumped there in downtown WDI town, and an "A" for effort, I guess, if you like themed retail / dining / condo developments. Nice trolley ding-ding-dinging its way around the property, I will give 'em that. Wonder how long it'll be before the A at B bean counters, not seeing a direct 200% ROI on its operation, have it hauled out?
A at B: since there still seems to be developers who can round up financing for amusement themeing for condos and boxes for The Cheesecake Factory, how about spending more (any?) freaking money on amusement themeing for freaking AMUSEMENT PARKS and THEME PARKS?
Which brings me now to the real condo developers vs. amusement parks rant: Coney Island, USA.
Dateline, "Coney Island:" Astroland (and beat THAT for a great 2nd half of the last century amusement park name!), the second-to-last remaining full-bodied amusement park on Coney Island (And Deno, I'm torn here `cuz while I loves yer Wonder Wheel, really, your Gawd's Little Acre is, Pluto-like, almost not an amusement park . . . .) is as of . . . now officially closing forever in September. Flagging attendance? High maintenance? Roving gangs of costumed thugs? All that and more, I suppose . . . but the real Gawd damn reason is that the whole area was bought up by classic greedhead developers — Thor Equities — who, it has been reported, while initially promising to maintain Coney Island as an amusement center, has been busily evicting and bulldozing as many of the independent Coney Island operators they can and will probably only build an actual amusement park-esque thing if their retail / office space / condo developments make any dough.
Alas and alak (as thankful nobody much says any more), Thor is a noted flipper, who will, if they run true to their track record, sell the whole cleared space to some other developer who won't be under the restrictions placed upon them by the city to maintain the local character. Funny how "everybody" knew this about Thor, but officials and experts supposedly in a place to weight the realities of the situation, nevertheless believed the bullshit when this scheme was pitched some years back. To paraphrase Lenny Bruce (who said the original about Chicago), that when it comes to big-bucks development "New York is so corrupt it's thrilling!" At least, one hopes it's corruption and not rampant stupidity.
Oh, I'm sure that after they've built the office towers, the retail boxes, and the rows upon stacked rows of condos, there might be a few hundred square feet of land left where some local artisan (or, the artistically inclined "niece" of a Thor Equity bigwig or county supervisor) will be commissioned to create an impressionistic mural celebrating the rich cultural history of the amusement parks of Coney Island. Aw, how . . . historic. It'll make for some nice "B" roll for the local newscasts. And will either . . .
A.) Get quietly torn out if the developments are successful and they need more room for yet another Dunkin Donuts . . .
Or if the place becomes like so many other ill conceived (that is, "gimmie the money quick and don't worry if anything of value comes of it" sorts of developers) office / retail / condo sorts of projects, ends up being a vast wasteland of closed / never opened shops and businesses . . .
B.) Become the massively spray pained graffiti backdrop to a weed-choked lot, a resting place for broken dreams.
OK, fine, yes, there IS the possibility of the whole thing ending up . . .
C.) A vital, energetic lifestyle center combining the best elements of 21st century modern life with "forget your cares and get happy!" amusements of days gone by.
And I may be successful in my bid for the White House come November 4, 2008.
In the meantime, in between time, ain't we got archival fun!
Coney Island, USA!
(International Venice Film Festival prizewinner! Whoop!)
You can download this movie from the Prelinger Archives in the Internet Archive.
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