by Charles Bogel
1.) Despite being a long-time worker in the field of themed entertainment, I was fired:
- A.) recently (within last month)
B.) sort-of recently (within last six months)
C.) not very recently (over a year)
D.) quite a while ago (during Reagan Administration)
2.) I would describe the current state of the themed entertainment business as . . .
- A.) horrible
B.) abysmal
C.) catastrophic
D.) Oh the HUMANITY!
3.) Okay, so you're unemployed. What euphemism do you use to mask that fact? (only for the hopelessly naïve)
- A.) Consultant
B.) President of (INSERT LAST NAME HERE) Creative
C.) Independent contractor
D.) Will Create Theme Park Attractions For Left-Over Chinese Chicken Salad
4.) I am here at this IAAPA 2001 Convention and Trade Show because . . .
- A.) desperately seeking a new job
B.) made reservation before business tanked, thought what the hell . . .
C.) given current national crisis, thought it would be a great place to avoid crowds . . .
D.) still (barely) holding onto job, and while I still can, I want to lord it over all of those poor wretches clutching wads of their resumes in their sweaty hands
5.) I am staying in . . .
- A.) Kissimmee motel bathroom (courtesy best friend, who is paying)
B.) backseat of rental car
C.) refrigerator box under freeway overpass
D.) I'm wide open to suggestions
6.) The thing I'm most looking forward to is . . .
- A.) filling pockets with "Dippin' Dots"
B.) tanking up on free espressos
C.) ogling "laser tag" demo babes
D.) watching shifty-eyed, hunch-shouldered ex-Disneyites emitting stench of desperation cravenly suck up to honchos of self-same indy-creative firms they used to disparage.
7.) Which seminar do you think will be most informative?
- A.) "How to doctor your resume so your themed entertainment experience appears to have some relation to the fast food industry."
B.) "From Corporate Vice-President to Rubberhead - The Journey of A Disney Loyalist."
C.) "Turn Your Theme Park Into A Toxic Waste Storage Facility!"
D.) "How To Kick Yourself For Not Selling Your Business Two Years Ago To That Retiring Stockbroker Who Thought He Might Like to Run A Miniature Golf Course and Bumper Boat Place, and Was Willing to Pay Cash."
8.) What would you must like to "take away" from this week's experience?
- A.) A new full-time job
B.) A new part-time job
C.) A feeling that there are people out there more desperate than I am.
D.) A cell-phone, if someone leaves one lying around.
9.) What Orlando area attractions are you must likely to visit?
- A.) Unemployment office
B.) Costco Warehouse Store, if handing out free food samples
C.) Public library, to check out "What Color Is Your Parachute?"
D.) Dumpster behind Waffle House (breakfast only)
10.) We can improve next year's IAAPA Trade Show and Convention if we . . .
- A.) hold it somewhere with decent restaurants
B.) get the whole thing down to half a day.
C.) provide complimentary hard liquor and prostitutes (as at all television-related trade shows and conventions)
D.) given current state of the business, hold it in a phone booth
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