A Cranky Journal of Themed Design and Development

By Mortimer Lightwood, Esq.

Note: the following document was smuggled out of the offices of a noted themed entertainment-like company. "Themed entertainment-like" in that while they have an awful lot of pictures of what could well be theme parks on the walls of their lobby, it seems these days that they are really in the business of using their rich heritage of creating "wacky, fun stuff" as a come-on to "take the money and run" investors, mass-market retailers and unindicted real estate developers.

-- E "Eddy" Edwards

WHEREAS, [Name as it appears in your portfolio, resume, or state prison "work release" form], hereafter referred to as "The Rube," agrees to furnish certain well-thought, original, nifty ideas, concepts, notions, juicy rumors, and confidential information relating to inventions, attractions, "state-of-the-art" plush toys, and so on to [Noted Themed Entertainment Juggernaut / Marketing / Cash Cow for It's Stockholders], hereafter referred to as "The Juggernaut," for the purposes of determining an interest in developing, manufacturing, thinking about selling, thinking about developing, possibly one day, kinda-sorta, you know, perhaps considering selling and/or joint venturing (though, let's be real, not with you, you small-potatoes looser), or just getting our stock to jump up a tenth of a percent so that we can grab a few extra dollars to cover the expense of hiring one of our over-priced charlatan design guru "friends" (just an expression . . . we have no friends) to rework your ideas, adding a lot of touchy-feely hocus-pocus mumbo-jumbo jargon so that the essential meaning remains the same but so that it no longer sounds like your ideas and will give our investors -- who haven't a clue as to what really goes on around here besides us minting money for them on a quarterly basis -- the idea that we're really working full-speed ahead, creatively:

BE IT KNOWN, that The Rube has or shall furnish to The Juggernaut certain concepts, contacts, creative design, "intellectual properties" (snort! "Intellectual . . ." Yeah, whatever. Hey, don't flatter yourself, chump! It's just an expression . . .), or confidential information that The Rube may have overheard at some other design firm's liquor-soaked Christmas party and may further allow The Juggernaut the right to squeeze the creative life out of The Rube on the following conditions (subject to change when and how we feel like it):

1. The Rube agrees to hold confidential our proprietary information or trade secrets (AKA "common knowledge" within the Themed Entertainment industry) in trust and confidence and agrees that it shall be used only for the purposes of giving the rest of the world the impression that we're actually doing something here, shall not be used for any other purpose, or disclosed to any third party, especially if they are the people that The Rube originally created the ideas for or stole from;

2. No copies will be made or retained of any written information or prototypes supplied without the permission of The Rube, at least none that The Rube will know about until they see their hard work on display in our corporate "hospitality suite" at IAAPA with accompanying text that sorta-kinda indicates that it is a 100% in-house grown idea and/or that it was developed by a much higher-profile (and a lot better paid) consultant/guru;

3. At the conclusion of any discussions, or upon demand by The Rube, all confidential information, including prototypes, written notes, damp cocktail napkins, photographs, sketches, models, paperclip sculptures, memoranda or notes taken that haven't (cross our hearts and hope you die) already been "destroyed" in that paper-shredder over there that looks just like a photocopier, shall be returned to The Rube. You know, like, sooner or later . . .

4. Confidential information shall not be disclosed to any employee, consultant or third party unless they agree to execute and be bound by the terms of this Agreement, and have been approved by The Rube or have proven themselves capable of keeping secret all of the confidential stuff we're going to show them (after all they've also signed one of these marvelous documents, so -- hey! -- it'll go without saying that they'll be good, right?).

5. This Agreement and its validity, construction and effect shall be governed by all laws our lawyers can convince you are valid (law of supply and demand, law of the jungle, whatever).

HASTILY AGREED TO SO AS TO NOT CAUSE TROUBLE BECAUSE, LET'S FACE IT, NO MATTER HOW BADLY WE'RE GOING TO SCREW THEM, THERE WILL SOME MONEY COMING FOR ALL OF THIS . . . SOONER OR (probably) LATER and ACCEPTED, BECAUSE WHAT CHOICE DO THEY HAVE:

By: ______________( X )_______________

Date: _______________________________

Witness: None. (C'mon, we ain't THAT dumb)

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