By Sidney Redlitch
Notice I say "should." I became clear almost immediately was that the title should have been "Pageant of Unjustified Optimism." Unfortunately, the process described in this IAPPA seminar bears almost no resemblance to the process of creating themed entertainment in the real world. And it seems both sad and cruel to subject people to a vision of creative nirvana when they'll soon be plunged into a hideous themed entertainment netherworld.
For that reason, I'd like to offer my own Real World version of How Themed Entertainment is Actually Created. (WARNING! Themed Entertainment is like legislation and sausage; the creation process is NOT for the squeamish)
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1) The client arrives, full of exuberance. He instructs the Wacky Creative Types to "throw the rules out, throw caution to the winds. I want something that PUSHES THE ENVELOPE of creative genius. Better than Disney is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. And cost is no object!"
2) At client's request, Wacky Creative Types come up with an insanely great, completely impractical, surreally expensive concept.
3) The Client expresses enthusiasm -- with reservations. "Basically just needs some tweaking." He says the words that will come back to haunt everyone. "Hey, folks, I'd kinda like to get involved in the creative process."
4) Presentation of the Preliminary Budget. "HOW MUCH?!?" The Client chases the Wacky Creative Types around the office with a handgun. An Account Executive saves their lives, and becomes the "mediator" (i.e. He takes the client's side to save his commission from going down the toilet)
5) A Client-approved architect is hired. After trashing the Wacky Creative Types as "self-indulgent theme park yo-yos," he cuts the main "show" area by two-thirds to expand the retail, and puts in a massive cappuccino/karaoke bar.
What entertainment elements remain are relegated to "Phase 2." (They are able to do this because they are ignorant of the golden rule of themed entertainment development: "There is no such thing as Phase 2.")
6) The final budget approval/creative buy-off with client. The Wacky Creative Types show up at 8 a.m. reeking of alcohol. The Client and Account Exec, nervous about cuts in show value, agree to save the project by adding the words "Virtual" and "Interactive" to the signage.
7) The entire project is handed over to the lowest bidders, who are under the mistaken impression they're constructing a temporary space for a weekend trade show. Five tons of cardboard arrive on the site, and workers commence construction with staple guns.
8) Since the project has been "fast-tracked" from the beginning, only now (construction phase) does the market research come in It reveals (surprise!) that the project is perceived as a boring, cookie-cutter "Me Too" melange of generic elements with all the impact of an info-mercial. Bottom line --- they demand more entertainment "sizzle." Solution of the Account Exec -- put cappuccino bar on motion-based simulator.
9) Catastrophic Opening Day. The site resembles Dukakis-for-President HQ on election night, 1988. Overheard comment -- "I had more fun having my colon polyp removed."
10) All the Wacky Creative Types are purged. All the executives in the client company at the V.P. level or above are promoted. The project is never discussed again.
11) The new owner of site retains some signage -- "VIRTUAL, INTERACTIVE DONUTS"
I'm not saying that this presentation is inspirational. I'm just saying that when, to paraphrase Preston Sturges, "you sign on board this cockeyed caravan," you have a realistic idea of what you're getting yourself into.
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